7. The Dirty Animals

One evening, in the halls of my husband's kingdom, the damn suitors, the dirty pigs, were once again making a scene in the great dining hall. The loud noises were being made purposefully, they are worthless and have nothing else to do in their lives except make someone else's worse. What a cowardly and ignorant thing to do.

One of the suitors looked into my eyes, he is nothing like a prince, a king, but merely a despicable being who holds no value in this God forsaken world. He raises what seems to be the leg of a lamb and begins eating it menacingly. I don’t know what they are trying to accomplish, for my marriage is set in stone, nothing can tear the love I hold for my dear Odysseus.

Beneath the tables, the suitors begin to stomp their feet, disgusting creatures they are, having no respect for me and the kingdom. However, I keep a steady face and take the appearance of a vulnerable queen, I do not want these animals to bear their claws upon my maids, even worse my own self.

My maids are sent off to tend to the suitors, although their company is disliked, I must not show my hatred. The dirty men pinch their behinds with their strong and thick hands, probably from all the labor they have endured, all the labor worthless men should complete, much like themselves. Nonetheless, my maids turned around and continued their way back as they were again harassed by the men.

A suitor with a leather strap wrapped around his forehead, probably of cheap material costing less than a fist of dirt, stood up and looked deep into my eyes. He shouted something and an uproar of laughter exploded upon the room. These men are clueless, they are following one another's lead, likely unaware of what is happening.

A mixture of intoxication and a man's nature made the suitor stand and point at me, meanwhile knocking the wine off the table like an ungrateful brute. Words fly out of his mouth, and to my complete bewilderment, a sudden smile appears on my face, but then quickly goes away, for I can not show emotion to a worthless animal.

1. My first change I made was to emphasize Penelope’s interpretation of her dislike for the suitors through her harsh language.
2. The words “worthless animal” displays Penelope’s utter hatred for the suitors. She again uses the words “worth a handful of dirt” to recognize what little value she holds for them.
3. Penelope focuses on jeering at the suitors background and wealth rather than on the disturbance they are making in the castle, furthering the point she is trying to make.