One evening, in the halls of my husband's kingdom, I observed the reverberating noises of the suitors clanging of their forks and knives across my expensive acacia wood table.
“Your highness, what should we do about the suitors?”
“Do not fret, they are simply trying to manipulate our minds, do not succumb to their threats, for persistence and patience is their weakness.”
This was a lie. There was no weakness, the suitors wanted something, they wanted me, my marriage, and they would not stop until I was wed. I could only tell my maids what they wanted to hear, for they had no reason to be involved in such anarchy, they were only staying loyal to me and my family.
“Pardon, that suitor over there, he is big, and us maids, we are so fragile, why is he grinning at us? Are we safe in this castle?
“I am sorry, without my husband by my side, I can not promise anything, these suitors who are dressed from head to toe in ragged clothing, eat like ferocious animals, and scream like hungry vultures are unpredictable. Although I hold a crown upon my head, it means nothing when I am approached by one of the men, without Odysseus to keep me safe. Make sure to remain nonchalant, no matter what obstacles they throw at you, they must not know what we are doing. If we are to defeat them, it will have to be from the inside, where they are least expecting us. Go along now, tend to the suitors, ask if they need more lamb, or need a flask of red wine, this defeat must come slowly.”
“Your highness, I am frightened, these men, they do not care for us, they want sex and pleasure. My feelings are a needle in a haystack, where it is not me who they care about but merely what is on me.”
“My dear, your loyalty is much appreciated by me, but you must tend to the suitors, one day, when all this is over, you will thank me.”
The maids made their way down the hall and back, meanwhile being pinched and eyed by the suitors as they passed. One of the suitors stood up and leveled his eyes with mine, he pointed and shouted loudly.
“Your highness, do you not see, a suitor is calling for your attention.”
“I do not care for him, he can point all he wants for I will not give in to his will.”
“Your highness please! If you do not look, he could not only harm you, but the rest of us maids!”
With those words, I looked at him, his words gentle laying themselves upon my face. I looked down as an instinct, but a subtle smile works its way across my face, a smile that was hauntingly familiar.
- The first change I made was to create dialogue among one of the maids and Penelope in order to invite the reader deeper into their thoughts and a firsthand experience inside the castle.
- The second change I made was to deepen into the maids view of the situation, when she says, “Your highness please! If you do not look, he could not only harm you, but the rest of us maids!” it shows the suitors effects on another person contrary to Penelope.
- The final change I made was to deepen into Penelope’s thoughts, where in the second stanza, she tells the maids one thing, but in her mind she reveals the lie she had said and unveils the true consequences of what would happen.
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